This film gives me a special Christmas Eve.

this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you
and i'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someome to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams
this is me pretending
this is all i need
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you
and i'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

I didn't know my fist is clenched so tightly until I feel the pain of my palm of left hand, when I was having supper.
I watched my left palm, with some inflamed mark by my nail,  for several seconds.
What I'm persist in? What I'm prevent my self from?  Not clear yet.

I watched the "Artificial Intelligence" by Spielberg this afternoon.
There's no doubt that this film is great, the the desire of love, the innocence of David, the robot child, inspired shocked so many audience, including me. Nevertheless, it is clear that Spielberg have much more to express:
The dependent of human on machines and technology, changes into fear and hate, they begin to afraid of that some day the robots will take place of them. I can clear recall the scene that a lot of crazy people sit arround a arena like ground, a heavy-metal rock band is giving a performance, simultaneously, a group of people in a strange orgnization is doing a massacre on robots. I think Spielberg is mocking human beings: they rely on high-tech, they thouhgt they're the master of the world, while now they're in danger of becoming the slave of their own inventions, and then, in the last, after 2000 year, human beings disappeared.
In the film, the robots acts more humanity than human, though they are just machines controled by programmes and semiconductors, I like Spielberg's idea, but, there is still a problem, why do they think a robot child has to become a real human child in order to live more happy? I don't think so, nor I think robot is not a life form. I think the status of human beings is over ratedvalued. For thousands of years, people said they are the master of the world, they treat the nature with no respect, and they think that only human beings is the most valuable life form, which deserve to love and be loved. Even Spielberg didn't escaped from the influence of this concept. The robot boy is searching for a way to become real human all throuh the film, but there is no answer. I think everything has a life, human is just one member in a circle, for example, if somebody dies, some molecule in his body may be in the body of a pig one day : ) As a programme, it has life too, when all conditions are satisfied, it runs in the form of electric current, if one day the storage medium is broken, or the human did a delete operation, the programme dies, the magnetism(as the programme's body) of one part of the storage medium disappeared in the flow of electric.

My last winter in this university.
Now I have spare time to think about something such as what I have got after 4 years' live in this place. The answer is: Nothing except a chance to change my life, like get a ticket to fly away from this city after waitting in a queue for 4 years.
Leaving. From one place to another place, from one life to another life. I don't know where to stop.
So many place, many people, so many things, the amount is so huge that I can hardly tell which one is really important to me. My life's been distributed into them in tiny pieces. The density of my life becomes very low, like some ashes in the air.
Some people likes to stay in the same place, they can do the same things everyday, they meet the same people, they find something stable and important for themselves, life is something that has a weight and can be seem and touched everyday, their lives have a high density because they never walk to far away.
How ever, I'm on my way, may be there is an end, though I cannot see for the moment.