http://www.anti-cnn.com/


the author of Notepad++ sucks.
http://notepad-plus.sourceforge.net/tw/site.htm
notice the words "boycott ******* 2008"

还是汉化掉这个blog算了。一来很久不用E文，现在退化得严重，二来用E文毕竟要多消耗些脑力，我可没指望自己下班回来还能流畅的用英文写篇日志出来...所以，以后用中文。什么时候有心情就偶尔整篇英文的上来...当然这个可能性看似会越来越小

I found a clivia miniata in a corner of the balcony of my house, it takes me several seconds to recognize this poor dying plant.
All of its leaves are coverd by dust, most of them withered, while the living ones, is greyed by the dust.
Obviously It  was dying with nobody noticed, the soul in the flowerpot  is dry, with cracks.,seems nobody watered it for months.
But for the bud hides in the withered leaves, it would be threw away.
The bud is light green, robust and beautiful, like a sword point to the sky. It looks as if this plant used all of its strength to make the declaration:  Someday I will be strong and glamorous, don't give me up.
Fortunately, it caught others' attention and survived.

we failed the basketball match in the elimination round, in the last game season of our college life.
we lose by 21 points.
0-for-6, about 6 rebounds, 2 blocks, 1 steal, that's my stats. The hoop looks so far away.

It's getting dark, I walked out from the lab, the long straight road, which I have been walking in everyday of different weather, with different mood , was in front of me again. The sky is gloomy. The streetlamps were standing quietly along the road, bending their head to the hasty people going up/down the road. Suddenly all the streetlamps turns on, with softy orange lights, like something was declared, like someone who sleeped  deeply opened his eye at dawn.  I like this moment.

The name of this song did not attract me, but I got drowning after the music begins.
The rhythm, the bass, the lazy voice, everything seems to be like which a drunk man sitting in the corner of  a bar could see, the man was sitting alone, talking  to the  woman in  front  of him, or just to himself. Maybe his head was not clear enough to seperate reality and phantom, but neither of them is important to him now.
This song repeated again and again,  time  makes no sense for  the moment.


ワインレッドの心.

もっと何度も抱き合ったり    
ずっと今夜を揺れあったり   
悲しそうな言葉に　酔って泣いているより    
ワインを開けたら    

今以上　それ以上　愛されるまで    
あなたのその透き通った瞳の中に    
あの消えそうに　燃えそうな　ワインレッドの    
心を映し出して見せてよ　揺れながら    

"Meet and depart, nothing will last forever" Faye Wong is singing in my headphone.
Nothing will will last forever, my hapiness can't, neither to my sadness.
All my thoughts, my feelings, like people go up and down the road, like the clouds' evanesce, disappeard and no way to find them.
Just be steady and still, sit down toand see the clouds moving in the sky.

The cable between china and america was broken after the earth quake of south-taiwan, so I can't logon to msn spaces for some weeks...
Now this is the new year. I almost forgot how the last day of 2006 passed by.
I'm 22 years old in 2007(oh shit, I don't like this number).
I'm going to begin my life as an software engineer, wish the first job will be pleasant.
The reality differs from my dream, but not too much.
There is snow outside.

This film gives me a special Christmas Eve.

this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
this is my december
this is my snow covered home
this is my december
this is me alone
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you
and i'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someome to come home to
this is my december
these are my snow covered dreams
this is me pretending
this is all i need
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things i said
to make you feel like that
and i
just wish that i didn't feel
like there was something i missed
and i
take back all the things that i said to you
and i'd give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
this is my december
this is my time of the year
this is my december
this is all so clear
give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to
give it all away
just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away
to have someone to come home to

I didn't know my fist is clenched so tightly until I feel the pain of my palm of left hand, when I was having supper.
I watched my left palm, with some inflamed mark by my nail,  for several seconds.
What I'm persist in? What I'm prevent my self from?  Not clear yet.

I watched the "Artificial Intelligence" by Spielberg this afternoon.
There's no doubt that this film is great, the the desire of love, the innocence of David, the robot child, inspired shocked so many audience, including me. Nevertheless, it is clear that Spielberg have much more to express:
The dependent of human on machines and technology, changes into fear and hate, they begin to afraid of that some day the robots will take place of them. I can clear recall the scene that a lot of crazy people sit arround a arena like ground, a heavy-metal rock band is giving a performance, simultaneously, a group of people in a strange orgnization is doing a massacre on robots. I think Spielberg is mocking human beings: they rely on high-tech, they thouhgt they're the master of the world, while now they're in danger of becoming the slave of their own inventions, and then, in the last, after 2000 year, human beings disappeared.
In the film, the robots acts more humanity than human, though they are just machines controled by programmes and semiconductors, I like Spielberg's idea, but, there is still a problem, why do they think a robot child has to become a real human child in order to live more happy? I don't think so, nor I think robot is not a life form. I think the status of human beings is over ratedvalued. For thousands of years, people said they are the master of the world, they treat the nature with no respect, and they think that only human beings is the most valuable life form, which deserve to love and be loved. Even Spielberg didn't escaped from the influence of this concept. The robot boy is searching for a way to become real human all throuh the film, but there is no answer. I think everything has a life, human is just one member in a circle, for example, if somebody dies, some molecule in his body may be in the body of a pig one day : ) As a programme, it has life too, when all conditions are satisfied, it runs in the form of electric current, if one day the storage medium is broken, or the human did a delete operation, the programme dies, the magnetism(as the programme's body) of one part of the storage medium disappeared in the flow of electric.

My last winter in this university.
Now I have spare time to think about something such as what I have got after 4 years' live in this place. The answer is: Nothing except a chance to change my life, like get a ticket to fly away from this city after waitting in a queue for 4 years.
Leaving. From one place to another place, from one life to another life. I don't know where to stop.
So many place, many people, so many things, the amount is so huge that I can hardly tell which one is really important to me. My life's been distributed into them in tiny pieces. The density of my life becomes very low, like some ashes in the air.
Some people likes to stay in the same place, they can do the same things everyday, they meet the same people, they find something stable and important for themselves, life is something that has a weight and can be seem and touched everyday, their lives have a high density because they never walk to far away.
How ever, I'm on my way, may be there is an end, though I cannot see for the moment.

I can't find the reason why I'm always dispirited, it's too easy to fall into frustration, and then chaos filled up my world.
           

L'arc~en~ciel - Dive to blue       “はばたくのさ　すぐに” 誰かささやいた ひざ下の境界線飛んでしまおうよ 背中合わせの自由 “さびた鎖に最初からつながれてなんて なかったんだよ” 胸に胸に空をつめて 青色の深くに沈みたい どこまでも果てなく夜空をまとい 新しい世界を探そう 会いたくて会えなくて揺れまどうけれど 目覚めた翼は消せない 何が正しいなんて答えは無いさ 枝分れした道　神のみぞ知る 止められないスピード加速するほど 鼓動は高く高鳴り覚えていくよ 何もかもが墜ちてくけど 君だけは大人にならないで 懐かしい光に導かれて あなたは優しく手を振る 見なれた未来にも別れを告げて& lt; br>壊れた幻想をえがこう 定められた運命を切り裂いて空へと抜け出そう 今も今も覚えている 幼い頃に見た朝焼けを どこまでも果てなく夜空をまとい 新しい世界を探そう 会いたくて会えなくて揺れまどうけれど 目覚めた翼は消せない 懐かしい光に導かれて あなたは優しく手を振る 見なれた未来にも別れを告げて 壊れた幻想をえがこう 定められた運命を切り裂いて空へと抜け出そう 終わる "Just jump now!" Whoes whisper is that? "Fly to the skyline!" That freedom is my desire. Just let the rusted lock stay locked from the beginning. Now only the sky is my aim. Just like dive deep into the blue. Wandering through the boundless sky at night, Exploring my new world. Sometimes fluctuated by the dizzy sight, But the new born wings won't disappear. It's impossbile to decide which is right, Maybe only the God knows the answer. Accelerating with no limit, listening to my heart beat. Guiding by the ray that you've been longing for, waving your arms softly, like a farewell to the world which you can't reach, like a description of your broken dream. Fragment the fate into pieces and throw them to the air! Now you can see, the morning glory you've seem in your childhood, Wandering through the boundless sky at night, Exploring my new world. Sometimes fluctuated by the dizzy sight, But the new born wings won't disappear. Guiding by the ray that you've been longing for, waving your arms softly, like a farewell to the world which you can't reach, like a description of your broken dream. Fragment the fate into pieces and throw them to the air!

Sorry but I have to let the mobile phone ringing till you got the message "Sorry, the subscriber you dialed does not response.."
I don't wanna talk with you, I don't know why I'm afraid to hear your call.
Maybe it seems that I'm a freak, for you are one of my so few amount of friends ( at least, you consider me to your friend )
I think we are totally different, or I'm not going to show my self to you, while you don't know?
Lack of the ability to change the relationship with people, I don't know how to change a stranger into my friend, and change a friend into stranger, neither.
My apologize.

The first glance of Rachmaninov is when I listened to his <Rhapsody on a theme of Paganini>, the melody is so impressing , especially the 18th variation .( on the other hand, it was so popular that so many cheap artist modified it to some low quality compositions that without any advantage except pleasant to hear ), this section has been used as the theme of the film <Somewhere in Time>.
At first I loved this section too much to pay more attention to other sections.
Afterwards I found that Rachmaninov's music is much more than elegance or gorgeous when I listened to his Piano Concerto No.2, which contains all essentials of his art.
Everytime when I listen to it, the emotion in the melody grasps my heart: lyrical melody extended from small motifs, predominant melancholy and nostalgia.
Rachmaninov is a man with icy demeanor and proctective mechanism that gain from his painful youth, his parents gave him little help, his father, auctioned off the property of their family quickly to pay debts, and at last, dissappear from his life.
Why he determined to be a musician? Maybe just because of his gifts.
Though he was always depressed, I can see the glorious scene built up in the world of his Concerto No.2, or fierce struggle after muttered for a long time, but even the mutter is so harmonious. It described the interior of Rachmaninov so precisely: A noble, but frustrated and longly man, sigh and struggle for his honor.